A reflection is due at this time, mainly to help galvanize the mind a little bit.
During undergrad, I used to guilt myself for procrastinating on weekends. I knew that if I didn't get working on Saturday and Sunday then I'd suffer terrible last minute drama the following week. That's what it means to be a student.
A lot of this procrastination could fit under the appellation "revenge procrastination," per the Internet definition, however, because the prior week had been so brutal. However, after having taken a gap year and stepping back into the intensity of the quarter system, frankly I think this is more akin to being a much needed break. Normal working individuals simply don't deal with this level of chaos and then are expected to marshal the resources to continue plugging away during the weekend, like immortals. Maybe I'm assimilating into the normal working adult pool, aka running out of steam; maybe I've started choosing to run steam slower.
In my defense, I had headaches the last four days that forced me to slow down and take daytime naps. I worry that it's because I dived into a pool for the first time in 10 years and so kind of belly flopped and jostled my head, but it's equally likely that I just wasn't sleeping enough for consecutive days and just working with too much stark pressure on my body to an extent where my body was just like, Here you go, working guy, here's a headache. I didn't have much of a gradual on-ramp to the intensity. I went from an extensive low pressure, fully controlled gap year, to a day-to-day battle where every hour needs to be carefully penciled out. My brain and body naturally revolted on the weekend and put dynamite to my planner. I need to pick up my planner again after this post.
As a grad student, I call this weekend "me taking a break." Completely guilt-free; it's what any sane older working person would do.
Somehow I've overbooked my schedule. I think I've made that mistake every quarter at this university except for the very first quarter. Every time, I vow not to repeat the mistake. But I think it's just that this place is super intense.
I guess one thing I am excited about is that I still do have a clear goal in mind at the end of my tenure, and for the next few months I do have to call upon myself to do my best work without shying away from the challenge. So there's a bit of peace in that regard.
Okay, it's 7pm and it's time for me to start my morning routine and clean up this mess of an apartment room. Cheers.
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